


Send Them Off!

by Srtawalker



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bisexuality, Blowjobs, M/M, Parabatai Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 20:57:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8816020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Srtawalker/pseuds/Srtawalker
Summary: Alec never thought of that, never wondered if Magnus would miss the touch of a woman.





	

**Author's Note:**

> HI there! Merry Christmas! This is my secret santa gif for magswoods. I hope you like it darling, it's not very christmasy, probably more angst than expected, but I cannot write fluff. I just simply can't. Sorry. 
> 
> My beta is the amazing StarWitness42. I love you darling. Thanks for fixing my English and listening to me talk about this. 
> 
> It's based on the song Send Them Off! by Bastille.

[(SONG)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6c4mTu-Wjaw)

***

It was a slight on my honor, so he deserved it

But we're talking about the most brilliant mind this world's ever seen

***

 

It was a very simple mission: Get the information necessary to catch the vampire that had been trafficking mundane blood. In order to do that, they needed information about his whereabouts; information that could only be obtained from a very specific fairy. Before Clary, that would have been easy. Send Izzy in. Or in this case, as the fairy was a woman and attracted to the opposite sex, send Jace. However, things were different after Valentine. The Fairies were not friendly anymore with them, not since Valentine decided to offer them a deal and their Queen accepted. So now, they had no way to access that information without making a scene, without revealing what they were after. They couldn’t do that, and they couldn’t frame one of the vampires without proof, not if they wanted to avoid another conflict with them.

 

‘We need a Downworlder,’ Izzy said. ‘Someone she would trust enough to reveal the information.’

 

‘And who do you propose?’ Jace asked sarcastically. ‘Simon?’

 

Izzy rolled her eyes in that way that was clear to everyone that she was related to Alec. ‘Don’t be stupid, Simon would not do it. He’s too close to Raphael.’

 

‘True,’ Clary added. ‘And I don’t want to put him in danger, not for no reason. Besides, if he does it, Raphael will know. And we don’t want them to know till we have proof.’

 

Jace nodded, thinking about a solution. He knew they couldn’t ask Luke. This fairy would never trust a werewolf if she was friends with a vampire, so who… He heard steps and didn’t need to look to know who was walking in their direction. A few seconds later Alec was there, with a tablet in his hand and about to say something.

 

‘I know!’ exclaimed Jace excitedly. ‘Magnus.’

 

‘Magnus what?’ Alec asked, not knowing what the conversation was about.

 

‘Alec, call Magnus. We need him for this mission.’ Jace’s voice left no room for a discussion, his mind set on the mission now that he had a perfect plan.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Yes,’ Izzy said, ignoring Alec. ‘Good idea, Jace. Perfect bait.’

 

Jace looked at her with pride in his eyes, as if he just solved a very difficult equation.

 

‘Bait? Can someone explain to me why we need Magnus for this mission?’ The tone of Alec’s voice was serious, tired of being ignored by his siblings.

 

Clary explained the problem and Jace’s solution. It was a solid plan. The fairy was a party animal. They knew she would be in a club tonight. Magnus was a party animal, and also a Downworlder, and sexy and…

 

‘I get it, Clary,’ Alec said, stoping her. ‘But no.’

 

Izzy sighed and looked at Jace, as if saying, ‘Here we go again.’

 

‘Magnus is not our wildcard. We cannot call him for everything. This is not his problem, nor mission.’

 

‘But Alec, he would be perfect for this,’ Jace said, trying to put some sense into his parabatai. ‘And you would get to spend some time with him.’

 

‘Watching him flirt with a fairy?’ Alec asked incredulously.

 

Jace kept insisting and Alec kept saying no, but Isabelle didn’t pay them any attention. She left her spot on the table and pulled out her phone, opening her favorites tab.

 

He picked up at the third ring.

 

‘Hi, Magnus.’

 

‘Hi, Izzy. To what do I owe the pleasure of your voice?’

 

‘Well, it’s about a mission that we have. We could use some help.’ She was keeping her voice down, making sure the boys were not paying her any attention.

 

‘Why are you calling me instead of Alexander? Not that I mind you, dear.’

 

‘Because he’s being a pain in the ass and he’s against you doing it.’

 

‘Why? Too dangerous?’

 

‘No. It’s just about retrieving some information from a fairy. For a case.’

 

‘Mmmm.’ Izzy heard some noise on the other side of the phone and then Magnus was back. ‘What is in it for me?’

 

Izzy didn’t know what to say.

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘Well. It looks to me like you are hiring my services, so you must have a price in mind.’ Magnus’ voice was serious but without that flirtatious tone that Izzy was so used to hearing. The exact tone they needed for the mission.

 

‘Magnus, I’m asking for a favor.’

 

‘Sorry, love, but I don’t do “favors” where the Institute is concerned.’

 

Izzy saw Alec looking at her and walking a few seconds later in her direction, frowning. She had been caught. Only a few seconds left.

 

‘Okay, name a price, quick.’

 

‘There is a book in your library…’ But Magnus didn’t finish his sentence.

 

‘Done.’ Was all Izzy could say before her brother took the phone away from her.

 

‘Magnus. I don’t care what she told you, just no.’

 

***

I've got demons running round in my head

And they feed on insecurities I have

Won't you lay your healing hands on my chest?

Let your ritual clean

 

Soak the ropes with your holy water

Tie me down as you read out the words

***

 

Jace took the drinks and moved to the spot at the end of the bar where Alec was sulking.

 

‘Here,’ he said, putting the beer in front of him.

 

‘I don’t want it.’

 

‘Alec, we are in a club. There are three things you do here: drink, dance, or make out. It’s going to look weird if you’re doing none of them. Just sitting in a corner… sulking.’

 

‘I’m not sulking.’ Alec looked at Jace, accepting the beer because, _damn_ , his brother was right but he wasn’t going to admit it.

 

‘Sure you’re not.’ Jace took the chair next to him. They spent a couple of minutes in silence, enjoying each others’ company, not paying attention to the music or the bodies moving next to them. It was good to have Jace back, to feel his parabatai bond whole again. In a way it was stronger than before, maybe because now Alec was clear of his feelings for Jace, maybe because it was true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

 

‘I thought you’d be happy,’ Jace said, breaking the silence. ‘You know, spending more time with him.’

 

Alec didn’t look at him, he didn’t want to. He knew what Jace was trying to do, what he had been trying to do for weeks. He wanted to talk about his feelings and his relationship with Magnus. Alec didn’t know why, couldn’t understand why he kept bringing the topic up. It was true that his relationship with Magnus was something new, still fresh and sometimes uncertain. Yes, he had questions, and yes, he wanted to talk about it sometimes, but not with Jace. With Jace… Alec couldn’t understand why Jace would like to know about that part of his life, a part he would never understand, a part that was one of the reasons their bond went so weak.

 

Alec never thought of what Jace would do if he got a boyfriend. Boyfriend… just the word made something funny in his stomach move. Magnus was his boyfriend. There were a lot of things uncertain between them, but that was not one. He took a sip of the beer to buy some time. Because that was the issue, Alec never imagined having a boyfriend. Never imagined Jace’s reaction to it because he always thought that his life would only be his family and duty. There were times when he thought he would never feel something as strong for another man as what he felt for Jace. But that wasn’t true, and it was now, after knowing Magnus, that he realized that what he felt for Jace had always been different, but not in the way he thought. What Magnus made him feel, what he was feeling right now, it was something completely different; something new and bright and strong and so full of emotions, so new and raw that sometimes he couldn’t understand it. It was soft sometimes, naive and kind. Sometimes it was brutal, it was sexual and primitive. It was too many emotions to put just under the word love. But maybe it was love, a different love from what he was used to.

 

‘We are not spending time together,’ he said without looking. ‘I’m here on a mission and we are paying him to get us information.’

 

‘Well, you can always spend some time together afterwards.’

 

Alec looked at him for a couple of seconds before asking, ‘Why do you care?’

 

Why would he care? Alec didn’t know. He didn’t know why Jace wanted to know more about his private life. He always thought that… Well… That he would be disgusted by him being gay. That once he knew, he would like to break their bond, to stop being his parabatai. And that was the main reason he never said anything, he couldn’t risk Jace, never Jace. But now… It was weird. Jace wasn’t disgusted by him, he wasn’t even a little bit taken aback. And he could be, especially after knowing of his feelings for him.

 

‘Why wouldn’t I?’ replied Jace. ‘I want you to be happy, and he makes you happy.’ He took a sip of beer. ‘It’s easy.’

 

Alec looked away, taking a sip of his. He was feeling that it was now or never, that he should put an end to this. He took a bigger gulp and put the beer away, facing Jace.

 

‘Why are you so interested in my relationship with Magnus?’

 

Alec could see surprise in Jace’s face. ‘I just want to know that you are happy, that everything is fine.’

 

‘Why?’ asked Alec. ‘Any one else would be taken aback by my sexuality. Half of the Institute pretends to not know so they don’t have to deal with it, and the other half are repulsed by it. What do you wanna know? Why you keep asking?’

 

Jace took a few seconds to process what Alec was saying, seconds that Alec spent looking at him, trying to figure it out.

 

‘Is that what you think? That I would be repulsed by you?’ There was pain in his voice, pain that was crystal clear in his eyes.

 

Alec didn’t know what to reply to that.

 

‘Is that..? Is that why you never said anything?’

 

‘Part of,’ Alec said in a small voice, but loud enough for Jace to hear.

 

‘Alec…’ Jace turned in his chair, facing him and leaving the beer at the table. ‘I always knew.’

 

Alec made a face that told Jace that he didn’t believe him.

 

‘Listen to me. I knew about it since we were thirteen. Back then, I didn’t know what it was, but some part of me knew. I have always known and I never, not even for a moment, thought about you in that manner. Alec…’ He took his hand, trying to make him understand. ‘I would never think less of you because you are gay. I never had, I’m not going to start now.’

 

Alec couldn’t keep the eye contact, there were too many emotions running through him. _Jace had always known_. He said… he said he knew since he was thirteen but… How? And why had he never said anything? Also it was the first time that Jace had used that word to refer to him and it was… It was good, it was good in a way he never thought possible.

 

Alec didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to express the feelings that he was having, so he decided to use the same tactic he used with Magnus. After all, the warlock was right; an action is more telling than a thousand words. He hugged Jace, strong and clumsy, saying “thank you” very softly in his ear. They broke apart a few seconds later, when Jace saw Magnus entering the club.

 

‘There he is.’ His voice was back to normal. As if the emotional moment was something of the past, a thing they sorted out and moved on. Jace had always been like that, a soldier, one task after another. 

 

Alec turned around and found Magnus. The club was packed, at least a hundred people were there, dancing and talking, and drinking. However, Alec could have spotted Magnus in a million. He was like a sun, with a light so bright inside him that sometimes it was dangerous looking straight at him, but impossible not to at the same time.

 

He looked amazing. That was the first thing that crossed his mind. How hot he looked. He was wearing something dark, some very tight black jeans that did wonders for his ass. A red, or burgundy as Magnus would call it, shirt and a jacket. The shirt so open that it left nothing to the imagination, the only thing covering part of his muscular torso were the necklaces. His hair was up, but not too much, and Alec was sure that there was some color in it, some red matching the shirt. He looked ravishing, sexy as fuck, and, without a doubt, the most attractive person in the room.

 

In the meantime Jace was looking at Alec, seeing the way his eyes were following Magnus, how his pupils got dilated, how he swallowed without knowing it, how there was that tiny bit of that… pink, that pink going through their bond. That pink that was always there when Magnus was near them. How Alec thought he didn’t know, he would never understand.

 

Then Alec saw Magnus seeing the fairy, a small woman with blue hair that passed unnoticed in the crowd. Her skin was white, not the original paper white like in the pictures. She was glamoured, pretending to be another mundane. But he didn’t go to her, he went to the oposite side of the bar, ordering a drink.

 

‘What is he doing?’ asked Jace. ‘He’s supposed to get information, not drunk.’

 

‘He will,’ was all Alec said without losing sight of Magnus. It took a couple of seconds for the fairy to go to the bar, ordering a drink right next to Magnus, talking to him. Alec smiled. Of course Magnus would get her attention without wanting it, he was like that, he could have anyone he wanted.

 

And it was that, mixed with the gesture of the woman, touching Magnus’ arm, going all the way up till his shoulder. It was the way he smiled at her, how he checked her out, looking at her breasts when she got closer, that sent an electric shock through his body. _He could have anyone._ His smile got frozen on his lips, turning little by little into a thin line. He didn’t know what this new feeling was, it was something like what he felt when Jace started having so much interest in Clary, but not quite. It wasn’t jealousy, it was… it was worry. It was fear of not knowing, of feeling not good enough. And Alec had a lot of experience in that section.

 

‘Oh, he’s good,’ Jace said, not knowing of the turmoil in his mind, looking at Magnus and the woman.

 

But Alec stopped looking at them, he couldn’t handle it any more because what he was seeing was exactly what he was becoming afraid of. Magnus with a woman. Magnus enjoying himself with a woman.

 

The idea of Magnus being unfaithful to him never crossed his mind, even knowing that people, some of them his parents, thought of him as a Lothario. Magnus was the most loyal person he knew, he would never betray him like that. And Alec had seen other men and women flirt with Magnus and not once did he feel jealous, so it wasn’t that. But now, now that he was seeing Magnus flirt back, now that he was seeing him enjoying the presence of a woman -or pretending to, to be correct-, now something else popped in his mind. _What if he misses it?_

 

Alec had never given much thought to Magnus’ sexuality. The warlock had explained really clearly his preferences in a partner, which was none. He said that to him the first time they had drinks. He had been with both genders, and Alec, unfortunately, had had the misfortune of meeting one of his exes, Camille. He knew about Magnus’ bisexuality, he always knew, but never till now did he start to realize something very crucial. _What if he misses the touch of a woman?_ Alec didn’t know what that was like, couldn’t relate to that at all. He could agree or not when Magnus pointed at one actor or another in some of the films and tv shows he watched and said they were hot. But a woman? Yes, he could say they were pretty, he wasn’t blind, but attraction? Never.

 

He looked again, seeing how the woman was so close to Magnus, her hand on his chest, her lips on his ear. He was smiling, touching her hip. Alec started thinking, started analyzing what could Magnus possibly desire in a woman? What was his type? Because Camille had said that Alec was his, although Alec didn’t believe anything that bitch said. However, she had a point. Maybe Magnus had a type in women, maybe he liked them blonde or with curves or…

 

‘What’s up?’

 

Jace’s question pulled him out of his mind for a second. He looked at him, thinking if it was wise to talk about his feelings.

 

‘Nothing,’ he ended up saying. He had never been open before, no reason to start now.

 

‘C’mon, bro. I thought we moved past that,’ Jace said, there was a plea in his always so expressive eyes.

 

Maybe he should start now. Maybe now was as good a time as any.

 

‘It’s just… It’s silly, ok?’

 

‘Okay,’ Jace said, trying to make Alec talk and letting him know with that word that he would listen.

 

Alec took a breath and grabbed his beer, allowing the alcohol to loosen his tongue.

 

‘Why do you like girls?’ he ended up asking, not really knowing why. And he was so close to saying “forget it”, so close to just changing the topic, to hearing Jace laugh or dismiss his question as stupid.

 

‘Well, I think I have never asked myself that question,’ Jace said, his voice completely serious.

 

Alec looked at him, Jace was looking at the ceiling, thinking very hard. A few seconds later the blonde met his eyes.

 

‘I don’t know. Why do you like boys?’

 

’Fair enough,’ Alec said, taking a sip.

 

‘Look, I cannot tell you why, but I can tell you what I like in them. Although I have a feeling that you already know my tastes.’ There was that lightness in his voice, the one Jace only used with him. That almost made Alec smile, thinking about Clary and how Jace had been so attracted to her from the beginning. Yeah, his parabatai definitely had a type.

 

‘Where is this coming from?’ Jace asked.

 

‘It’s just… I know I like men, and I know what I like, the same way you like women and you know what you like. However…’ Alec saw the look in Jace’s eyes, how open they were, not physically, but emotionally, how there was no judgment there. And it was in moments like this when he remembered that they shared a soul. ‘Magnus likes both,’ He ended up saying. ‘And I think I never thought about it, not really. I mean, I knew, it’s not like it’s a secret with him calling himself a “freewheeling bisexual,”’ he said trying to imitate the voice Magnus would use. ‘It’s just that… what if he misses it?’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Women,’ Alec said almost shouting, although no one noticed thanks to the volume of the music. However, Jace laughed a bit, he couldn’t help himself.

 

‘Is this what is bothering you? Magnus touching that fairy? I didn’t know you were the jealous type, Alec.’

 

‘I’m not!’ he said very seriously. ‘It’s not that. It’s just… Forget it.’

 

Jace saw how Alec was closing up again and he almost kicked himself. ‘Okay. If it’s not jealousy then what? Because let me tell you that that man only has eyes for you, man.’

 

Alec looked back at him, surprised by Jace’s comment. He decided to ask him about that another time.

 

‘It’s that… what if he misses being with women? Because I can compete with other guys, I mean, not that I have to, or need to, but you know… I could… But I cannot with a girl. I can’t even begin to know what that’s like, you know? Liking both.’

 

This time there was no mocking on Jace’s face, not a tiny bit.

 

‘Have you asked him?’

 

Alec looked at his parabatai as if he was crazy.

 

‘Maybe you should. I think you should,’ Jace added. ‘I cannot help you on that, but I’m sure that Magnus can. Ask him.’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Why not?’ Jace asked. And Alec thought about that for a moment. _Why not?_ ‘Look, man. Let me tell you something. Maybe you are right and at some point he misses the touch of a woman, who knows. But let me tell you something, that man,’ he said pointing at Magnus, who had a very drunk and talkative fairy on top of him, ‘that man is so in love with you it’s embarrassing. Like, when he looks at you it’s like nothing else matters, just you.’ He took his beer and finished it. ‘So I really doubt that he is going to have time to miss anything when you are around.’

 

Alec looked at Magnus and then at Jace. Jace, his parabatai, his brother, the other part of his soul, the person he had been hiding his feelings for so long, thinking that he was in love with him when it was just love, powerful and pure but never sexual, never soul consuming like with Magnus, never romantic. Jace, the golden boy who everyone adored. Jace, who had always known, who had been waiting years to be able to talk about his personal life, to be two friends in a club.

 

‘Thanks,’ was all he said. And Alec knew that with Jace, that was enough.

 

***

Desdemona, won't you liberate me?

When I'm haunted by your ancient history

Close these green eyes and watch over as I sleep

Through my darkest of dreams

 

Be the power to compel me

Hold me closer than anyone before

***

 

They got what they needed, and Magnus got the book he wanted. They would need to wait till tomorrow to catch the vampire, so there was nothing for them there. Especially not for Magnus.

 

‘So?’ he said looking at Alec with mischief in his eyes. ‘Fancy a drink?’

 

Alec needed to go back to the Institute. He had paperwork to do, a report to write, a plan to make for tomorrow.

 

‘Sure,’ Jace said in his place. ‘Go, I’ll write the report.’

 

‘You?’ Alec asked not really believing those words. Jace and paperwork?

 

‘Yeah,’ he said like it was not a big deal, like he always did his paperwork. ‘Have fun. Bye Magnus.’ And like that he was gone, leaving Magnus and Alec alone.

 

‘Bye, blondie,’ Magnus replied, never once stopping looking at his boyfriend. ‘Drink?’

 

‘Yeah,’ Alec said, his mouth was getting used to the liquid and he wanted to feel a little bit lighter, especially if he was going to ask Magnus about what was on his mind.

 

‘Do you want to go back in?’

 

Alec looked at the doors of the club and remembered the woman and the conversation with Jace. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Another place.’

 

‘Another club or something more quiet?’

 

‘Club,’ Alec said, not knowing why, just knowing that he didn’t want the silence, not so soon.

 

‘Pandemonium?’ asked Magnus.

 

’No.’ And he really needed to stop using monosyllables. ‘Can we go somewhere mundane? Some place where they don’t know us?’ What he really wanted to say was, “where they don’t know what we are,” but he didn’t need to, because, just like Jace, Magnus knew.

 

‘Of course, darling.’ And Magnus offered him his hand, and Alec took it without a second thought.

 

They ended up in a mundane club, one of the ones with purple and blue lights where the music was too loud to talk and the bodies too close. Alec noticed that the people dancing on the floor were not only straight, that there were also people like them and something warm invaded his stomach, something other than the alcohol.

 

He wasn’t a club person. He didn’t dance. He didn’t socialize. He wasn’t like Magnus. Magnus, who only had eyes for him, whose smile was so bright it could light the whole room, his body so warm, his makeup so pretty now that he was close enough to see it. He didn’t know how they ended up on the dance floor, when did he finish his drink and followed Magnus, letting him do the dancing, his body just following as if it was the most natural thing to do. He knew, he knew all the eyes were on Magnus, he knew that the mundanes there were amazed by him, that they had never seen something so beautiful, so perfect, so sinful. Alec knew, and in a strange way, a new feeling appeared in him: Pride. Pride to be able to stand beside this man, pride to have his full attention, to be the only one in the room for him. Pride to be able to hold his hips, pushing him closer to him, touching his chest in the same spot the woman touched him and seeing his pupils dilate, seeing how Magnus needed a second to control his glamour. Pride to be able to close the distance between them and kiss him passionately, tasting the strong whiskey on his tongue.

 

He didn’t know how he got in the toilet, he just knew he needed to get away from all the people for a second, he needed some space, but not too much, not outside. He took Magnus with him because the thought of not being with Magnus, even for a second, didn’t occur to his almost drunk mind. A guy left one of the cubicles and he got in, Magnus behind him, and it wasn’t till he got himself between the toilet and Magnus, with little room to move, when noticed the flaws in his plan. Maybe he needed air after all.

 

‘Alexander.’ Magnus’ voice was liquid gold, as was his skin, his eyes, his true eyes, with the pupils dilated.

 

And Alec couldn’t help himself. He needed to kiss him, he needed to taste that gold, feel that gold all over him. He touched Magnus’ chest, exactly in the same spot as before, but this time going deeper, exploring more skin thanks to the open collar. Their kiss was messy, heated. Both wanting to dominate and both wanting to surrender. Alec’s other hand travelled through Magnus’ body without him knowing it, not until it reached its final destination: Magnus’ crotch. He noticed Magnus moving closer, making clear to him what he could have if he wanted to. Alec could feel how hard he was, how hard he had been for a while, but before, on the dance floor, it was different. Now, in here, where the music was loud but without the voices of people, where it was only them in their own world, now it was vital.

 

‘Magnus.’ He didn’t know how much lust was in his voice, how much need.

 

Magnus’ lips left his mouth and moved to his neck, licking the place were his rune would be if it wasn’t covered to pass as a mundane.

 

‘What do you want?’

 

Alec didn’t know how Magnus was able to form sentences, maybe all those years gave him a better tolerance in these situations, maybe it was his special power. Alec couldn’t say what he wanted, but his body knew it pretty well. He grabbed Magnus’ crotch, following the line his cock formed inside those sinful jeans. Magnus let go of a moan and kissed him again. This time it was powerful, full of dominance, full of lust, and Alec was surrendering, he would always surrender to this. This feeling of rightness, of letting himself free, of not being in control, of trusting without doubting. He let Magnus invade his mouth and noticed how his hands were inside his t-shirt. Alec grabbed his hips, pulling their bodies together without being aware of his strength. The plastic wall moved a bit and someone said something on the other side, but he didn’t care. He could feel Magnus against him, all those necklaces, those tight, _tight_ , jeans. It was heaven.

 

Magnus left his mouth and Alec blamed his stupid body for needing oxygen to survive. He noticed Magnus’ lips moving down his body, his hands moving fast, too fast for him to register. Everything was moving so fast, so intense. It was too much, and not enough. It wasn’t till he felt the air on his erection that he noticed Magnus had opened his pants. But it was only momentary, because seconds later Magnus mouth was on him and in that moment he realized that he had been wrong before. There was a heaven, but it was right here, with Magnus’ lips around his cock, his beautiful eyes looking at him, always looking at him, his tongue doing things that Alec had no words for.

 

Alec knocked the wall with his head, unable to keep looking at something so perfect, so _right_. He grabbed Magnus’ hair, knowing that he was allowed to, only him, no one else. He didn’t notice when his hand started moving Magnus’ head, telling him without his knowledge exactly what he wanted. He heard some noises, some voices, and a tiny part of his mind reminded him that they were in public, it was a public bathroom in a mundane club. But then Magnus did something with his tongue around his slit and he forgot about that. However, another thought took the place of the last one, one much more powerful. _No woman could give him that_.

 

***

Set me free from my jealousy

Won't you exorcise my mind?

Won't you exorcise my mind?

I want to be free as I'll ever be

Exorcise my mind

Help me exorcise my mind

***

 

 ‘There was something on your mind,’ Magnus said tracing his now visible runes.

 

Alec looked at him. He had woken up with the worst headache of his life, what Jace would call a proper hangover. It was horrible and he promised to himself that he would never drink again, _never_. Although, dating a warlock had his perks, and that Magnus had cured most of that headache with a light touch of his hand and a strong coffee was one of them.

 

‘When?’ Alec asked, not knowing what Magnus was talking about. He moved on the bed, taking some of the sheets and covering his legs.

 

‘Last night. On the mission. There was something on your mind.’ Magnus’ voice was low, calm. His makeup was gone and his hair was a disaster. There was a darkness under his eyes proper of someone that had a rough night. For Alec, he had never looked more beautiful.

 

 _On the mission_. And then Alec remembered. He remembered it all. He left the coffee on the bedside table and sat, waiting for Magnus to do the same.

 

‘Yeah, there was something on my mind,’ he said once Magnus had moved in front of him, sitting with his legs crossed and a pillow between them. The warlock took his hands in his and rubbed the inside of them, encouraging him to go on.

 

‘It’s about your sexuality,’ Alec said finally.

 

Magnus’ eyes got bigger, surprised by those words.

 

‘I was wondering… Well, not really wondering, more like thinking of…’

 

‘Alexander,’ Magnus said and Alec looked at him, seeing those soft brown eyes. ‘You can ask me anything.’

 

‘I know,’ he said in a whisper. ‘I wanted to know if you miss it,’ he said loudly this time, but not more secure.

 

‘Miss what?’ Magnus asked.

 

‘Being with a woman,’ Alec replied.

 

Magnus looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time, as if something weird had appeared on his face.

 

‘Where is this coming from?’ Magnus asked after a couple of seconds.

 

‘Nowhere. It’s just… Seeing you yesterday, with that woman, I thought of it. And I realized that I don’t really know. It’s like, I know you like men and I can relate to that, and if I have to, I can compete with that…’

 

‘Darling, there is no competition,’ Magnus said with a smile. ‘It’s only you.’

 

Alec couldn’t help the blush, but that didn’t stop him. ‘But that’s not the case with a woman, is it?’ he said, trying to make his point.

 

‘It is,’ Magnus replied, his voice serious but still soft.

 

‘How? There must be something that you miss, something that you lack. How can you not? How can you like both sexes and be fully satisfied with just one?’

 

Magnus took his hands and kissed them. ‘Oh, Alexander,’ he said with so much love in his voice. ‘You worry so much.’

 

‘I worry enough,’ he replied. ‘I worry that you don’t have everything you want.’

 

‘Do you worry that if that’s the case I would go and find it someone else?’ His voice was still soft, but there was iron under it.

 

’No. Never.’ Alec’s voice was steady, secure. There was no room for discussion.

 

Magnus looked away for a couple of seconds, and Alec waited for him. Finally, he looked back at him with something like determination in his eyes.

 

‘I don’t miss being with a woman when I’m with you. As I didn’t miss being with a man when I was with a woman. Both genders offer me different things, different pleasures. For me it’s not one thing or the other, and in my case, I cannot relate to you. I don’t know what it’s like looking at a woman and not feeling attraction to their softness, to their curves, to their style, to their breasts, to their lips. To everything that makes them beautiful externally. To that uniqueness all of them have.’ He caressed his arm, softly going higher, till he got to his bicep. ‘It’s the same with men,’ he continued, Alec drinking every word that left his lips. ‘I’m attacked to their hardness, to their angles, to their simplicity, to their strength, to the veins through their bodies.’ He said this going over the one Alec had on his right arm. ‘I like both things. It’s not one or the other. It’s both. But one thing is _like_ , and another thing is _want_.’

 

Magnus stopped there, leaving Alec a couple of seconds to think about those words.

 

‘I want you, Alexander,’ Magnus finally said. ‘I _want_ you. Not because you are a man, but because you are you.’

 

Alec took Magnus’ hand and kissed it. ‘But surely you must… Don’t you just miss it sometimes when we… When we have sex?’ He needed to know, because for him the concept was too difficult to grasp. He understood what Magnus was saying, but surely there were times he just…

 

‘No.’

 

Alec saw in his eyes that he was telling the truth.

 

‘Alexander, I have slept with a lot of women and men. And at the end of the day, it’s just sex. It doesn’t matter the gender, it’s just sex.’

 

Alec looked away, feeling a little bit dirty. Images of yesterday popping into his head. _Was it just that? Just another fuck?_

 

‘But what we have…’ Magnus continued. ‘What we have is something more. What we do… Alec, is not just sex.’

 

‘It’s not?’ Alec asked, his voice more defensive than necessary, but he couldn’t help himself.

 

‘It’s not for me. Is it for you?’

 

‘No.’ His tone was calm again, with some regret after listening to Magnus. ‘No, Magnus, it’s not.’ He caressed his fingers, noticing the dark red on his nails for the first time. ‘Although I don’t have anything to compare it to.’

 

‘I do.’ Magnus said. ‘And believe me when I say it’s not. It’s… It’s…’

 

And it was then when Alec understood, when he finally realized something key in Magnus sexuality: it wasn’t the person’s gender, it was the person.

 

‘It’s love,’ he said, not feeling afraid for saying his feelings aloud for the first time. ‘It’s making love.’

 

Magnus smiled, and it was so pure, so bright, so full of love, that Alec couldn’t help it, and his lips moved on his own accord, mimicking that smile.

 

_It was love._

_***_

Your mind exists somewhere altogether different

It lives in a world where feelings simply cannot be defined by words

***

FIN

 

 

 

 


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